Return of the Rants

Welcome to my karaoke editorial page.....;)

I’m sure you can guess what this is for!  These aren't in any particular order, some are from suggestions and some are from my own deviant little mind. I also reserve the right to change, delete, add or otherwise deface anything I want to here as well as anywhere else on my site!

These posts started out as a little project back around probably the  1998-1999. I added to them over time and during one of my site re-vamps they kind of got dropped off at the curb so I'm bringing them back. I'm going to attempt to put them in some kind of logical sequence, but ultimately they are in no particular order...

Enjoy....and please leave comments should you be so inclined! I may be able to turn some of them into additional rants! Remember, I am a SINGER, not a KJ......:)

The songs that nobody wants to hear ever again at karaoke.............ever!

We all have our own mental list (be honest) but it's a safe bet that these are on it:

(yeah, it's one we get but folks who sing this song, don't)

"I will survive"
(long enough to make it out of the room anyway!)

"I got you babe"
(this song is simply so bad Pavarotti & Whitney Houston couldn't make it sound good!)

"New York, New York" & "My Way"
(and most other Frank Sinatra songs.......folks, he died. get over it)

Pretty much anything by Elvis at this point!
(I wish Elvis really would leave the building...)

"Don't Take The Girl"
(do they hand out tissues and razor blades with this one?)

"Friends in low places"
(most renditions unless you are in the deep south at a bachelor party....)

The dreaded "Paradise By The Dashboard Lights"
(you shouldn't sing this unless you can really do it. this one CAN'T be faked)

"Turn The Page"
(please!!! turn the page on this one!!!)

"American Pie"
(masterpiece song.........but it could be a little shorter.....*grin*)

"Dream On"

OK, to address the sensitive peeps: I love Elvis, Frank and pretty much all the artists mentioned here and I've even sung a few of these songs myself so please understand what I'm saying. It's not that these songs aren't generally good songs. It's the fact that they are OVERDONE by WAY too many people (too often poorly) that puts songs on the "never want to hear again" list. There are undoubtedly more than this, but this is a start.

Any other suggestions?

Hosts who mysteriously have different sound settings for themselves than everyone else who is there singing...

OK, this one is a problem. Have you ever been to a show where you sing and can't figure out how the hearing-impaired KJ ever got the job the way the sound is run, but the second they sing themselves it sounds like a 1977 Van Halen concert? This stinks folks. It's not only unenjoyable to sing at a show like that but it's mean and egotistical on the part of the host. Personally I wouldn't go back to that one! Yes, I know it sounds different on stage than it does in the audience (I admit having a hard time with that one myself sometimes) but over time you figure it out because you are listening to other people sing while you are in the audience so you know what it sounds like singer to singer to host. Unfortunately there's not much we can do here since it's a subjective argument except vote with your feet......*smile*

Singers who go whine to the host about when they are up next...

Get a life! This is karaoke, you are not waiting in line for a friggin' liver transplant! Nobody cares whether you get up and sing again except you so don't expect special treatment because alcohol or low IQ has ruined your judgment. Has anyone ever heard: "I have to be somewhere", "my ride is leaving so can't you just get me up real quick?" about the infamous "my friend/relative/Mariah Carey wanna-be is only in town for a little while and he/she is awesome so can you get them up soon so they won't have to suffer the indignity of waiting like all the mere mortals?" if you have heard this than you know what I mean here. If you want to sing again or before your turn, maybe you should have gotten there earlier or figure out a way to stay later???

Folks, not only is this annoying it's just unfair. I think the people who do this should be forced to get up on stage when they make their request and ask permission from the all the waiting singers if they can "get up soon." by asking to be bumped up they are essentially saying that they are more important than you so why not say it out loud? It's because they are afraid of getting pummeled and they would be embarrassed if people knew what they were suggesting. Here is another example of where a "fight to the death, cage match" would be real handy......LOL

footnote: also see my rant about "your ego, your enemy" referring to singing outside your ability because this rant usually goes hand in hand with that one

"Your ego, your enemy"

Singers who feel the need to imitate people who are way beyond their ability or style (especially sober people who have no excuse)......... uhhhhh this one is pretty clear to me and another example of how your ego is not your friend. Folks, if you were as good as Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston or Steve Perry, you would be famous and not even singing in this friggin' bar tonight. Why try to forcefully remove your vocal chords and the listeners eardrums while at the same time removing all doubt about the limits of your ability? Don't these people have a clue what they sound like????

Please do not confuse this idea with people who are out just to have a good time and just weren't blessed with Celine Dion vocals but know better. Who I'm referring to here are the people who THINK they really are that good but aren't! The ones who get on stage and feel the need to "perform" the phantom of the opera as if it's a Broadway audition yet their voice breaks glass. Yes, occasionally some people are that good at karaoke but they are also not who I'm referring to here. It's the people who are poster children for Sigmund Freud theory that I am referring to.

Hey, on occasion most of us have had a few too many at their favorite karaoke spot and said "I can sing that" to a certain song and failed miserably, prompting us to never do that song again, but I'm talking about the people who induce mass exodus to the bathroom just by stepping on stage or mysteriously cause 90% of the people in the bar to take up smoking so they have an excuse to go outside when they sing. You know who I mean here so I'll leave it at that

footnote: there are many types of behavior that fall into this rant...

Singers that feel the need to get up on stage to sing with you without permission...

I don't know if they think they are doing you a favor but I'm thinking they're not. I'll be the first to let a group of cute, scantily clad women come up and do some backup dancing if they feel the need (did I say that out loud???) but pick up a microphone without permission and you may find out the hard way why mics are shaped the way they are!

Seriously, it's just rude. I know that people don't usually mean any offense by it but it's still out of line. I'll bet many of the same people who do it to you would kick you in the teeth if you did it to them. Just think about it before you do it folks. Would you like it?

KJs shouldn't sing at the show...

Generally that's true. However, there are a few exceptions. At the beginning of a show before many singers show up to show them "how it works" and if the gig is absolutely dead, just to fill time, are a couple of exceptions. However, far too often the KJ is a person that just wants to be heard and got the job figuring that it would allow them to have a captured audience to hear them sing. This is a bad mistake in karaoke etiquette. If you want to have people hear you sing, and you're good enough, go get a singing gig somewhere. People go to karaoke so THEY can sing, not to hear you and you are getting paid to be there. Please people! Get a clue!!!

Starting on time... I really need to explain this one?

Staying late...

If you have people there and they have spent money in that place finish the damn rotation! I'm not talking about staying an extra hour for free but using good judgment is definitely a bonus. I know there are a few places that will not let hosts to go over at all. Also, if a place has to get people out because of closing time etc... than this can't happen but be real people. The singers justify your existence in the karaoke world. Cut them a little slack. Fortunately in my experience most hosts are good in this regard but I have to say that too much hinting for a tip will alienate people not endear them. Based on my philosophy of no special favors, the fact they reliably come to your shows is gratuity enough in my book.

Did I mention show stealers suck?

People who claim to be the "best" in the business or some other assorted tripe, then can barely turn their equipment on...

I always say that ego and efficacy are the two biggest evils people struggle with but c'mon folks. How can everybody really be the "best?" I understand the marketing hype that most people use....... yadayadayada........ but give me a friggin' break! I am sick and tired of people who constantly tell me that they have the "best" equipment, the "best" library etc... By definition there's only one "best" so guess what? I think we should just have a battle of the KJ's "fight to the death, cage match" to see who can really "out-idiot" each other. Then maybe we'll see who really is the best but I somehow I doubt it.....LOL

Everyone has their own opinion of what constitutes the best so let's just leave it at that. I know people who run shows that I won't go to because even though I like them personally, I think their equipment sucks or they just can't run it. Also, we all know show hosts that have lousy personalities, or library etc.. But surprisingly, most of those people have a following so I don't put much stock in "officially" rating shows as a rule. People vote with their feet so give them shoes and let them go......things tend to work out on their own for the most part...;)

People who live vicariously through others.....

How annoying is it to be sitting, enjoying a good singer at a place while their "friend" stands there annoying you with how much THEY have done or some variation of how they are involved with the singer. Sometimes it's subtle, like conspicuously interacting with their target so you think they are part of it. (sneaky, huh? LOL) what the hell do you want? A plaque that says "I'm with him/her"? Jeeeshhhh!

People who never clap for anyone but the people at their table.

I think that these people fall into two categories: people who are plainly rude and just refuse to clap for anyone (who knows why) and people who truly think that their table buddies are the only ones worthy of their attention. Both types are utterly disturbing but the second type is downright mean and those people should be forced to research my "your ego, your enemy" rant for all eternity or until their pee-pee's fall off, whichever comes last.

The last I checked this was KARAOKE not Star Search!!!!! No, not everyone is a good singer and some are truly horrible and clueless but that's kind of the point of karaoke. As long as they don't fall into the "repeatedly singing beyond their ability on purpose" category, all's fair really. Every good singer wasn't always good and overall these people spend as much money in the bar as the good singers I would think. Why wouldn't you support them?

People who always act like your best friend when you are out...

Hmmmm......... how about going and getting some real friends (i.e.: act like a human being) and you won't have to do that anymore. I don't know about you but to me, real friends are the ones who call you for no reason, help you change a tire in the rain, go home with the nasty friend or maybe even help you bury the body. For some strange reason though, some people think that the karaoke world is a mysterious wonderland that will make you cooler if you hang with the right singers or even just guys who write cool websites! Would someone please explain this to me?

People who sing a song that has already been heard that night...

This is a minor rant but it was thoughtfully suggested to me so I'll add it. Yes, hearing the same Whitney Houston or Garth song 2-3 times in a night is annoying but it really only reflects on the person doing it. Don't they know anything original? Perhaps the KJ could suggest they pick another song or at least warn the person it was already sung that night?? Like I said, minor rant....

Another user-submitted rant:

How rude is it when someone is singing and people in the crowd talk so LOUDLY that you can't hear yourself singing or the singer you are trying to listen to.

Or how about those people who have to stand directly in front of the singer so no-one else can see them. I enjoy singing, but I also enjoy listening and watching others. Is it too much to ask to allow others to enjoy the show too?

Another "starting on time" rant...

I'm old. I admit it......I use starting time as one criteria for going to a show. The earlier the better as a rule. I simply don't want to START my night of singing at 9-10PM+. Sometimes I still get a wild notion to go out late.....and nothing against the late-nighters.....I generally just have no interest in staying out that late anymore. I just can't figure out why people often lie about what time a show starts.

I can't tell you how many times I have called a place asking what time a show starts.....I show up....and it doesn't actually start until 30-60 minutes AFTER they told me it did. I can ALMOST understand if it's the playoff game and it's in overtime so they delay starting on a particular night, but when it happens regularly, it's just wrong. If you say the show starts at 8PM the show should start at 8PM.....pretty simple I think!

This phenomena is goign to lead to a new, as yet undisclosed feature on my site...hopefully soon!

Receiving show changes (cancellations) but not getting a straight answer as to whether there is still a show at the venue.

I appreciate when I get show change info from hosts but I have had many of hosts who e-mailed me that a show was cancelled but when I followed up with the bar they told me that there still was a show there! I do this site to share ALL karaoke information with everyone. I'm sorry when one of your shows gets cancelled but that is independent of whether there is a show there at all. Put on your big boy pants. This happens all the time in the karaoke world so get over it and please, please be fair about it. If you get a cancellation please tell me about it, but don't say "the show is canceled" because that means there is no more karaoke AT ALL! The next time it happens it may be to your show. Do you want someone else telling people that there is no more karaoke at all?

This site is for singers and info seekers so let's keep it that way...I'm sorry if this one comes out with a little attitude but this is important. It's hard to maintain all this info and if a show is still there I don't want to remove it incorrectly.

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